Life Without You

Dear Aaji,

I have been trying so hard to write something, but it seems I’ve hit a wall. It’s been 3 months since you left us, and life is clearly not the same. Everything feels different now. The late night TV watching, bedtime routine, dining table discussions, you name it.. I don’t feel like doing those things anymore, and I know you wouldn’t like it at all.

You always were that constant presence in the house - the fact that you were always there made a huge difference. I miss that terribly. We didn’t want you to do anything for us. Just wanted you to sit or lie down nicely, being your cheerful self. We loved being with you, soaking in your positive energy and spirit, and your infectious smile, so full of love and innocence. You were the sweetest.

I don’t think I have the right words to express how I felt when you left us. I felt like I had lost a parent, a best friend, a soulmate. You taught me through my school years, shaping me into who I am today. Your passion for literature and poetry fueled mine, always inspiring me.

You were always fiercely independent and always in charge, the one who kept our family glued together, immediate and extended on both sides.

Emotionally unbreakable, you were first at every tragedy, stepping in to run homes and lift everyone up. A meticulous planner, an avid traveller, always using your sharp bargaining skills while shopping while we stood there, puzzled, and cooking such yummy food for us all.

And pursuing an MA in Hindi literature back then? That was so you! You were a star.

But one regret haunts me constantly. We arrived five minutes late at the hospital. It was the most difficult day of my life. I couldn’t believe it. You lay there lifeless, yet so much at peace. I ached for one last hug, for you to feel it was me.

You fought cancer so bravely, you never once complained about anything. I can only imagine how painful it must’ve been for you. Yet you smiled and how!

Adwait and I are shattered, Aaji. As your grandchildren, we feel lost without you. He was truly your soulmate in your last years. I know how fond you were of him. You and Adwait connected on a very different level, something we were all amazed to see. He too misses you a lot.

The little things break me. You’d sit by me at work, call me from your room for something like coconut water or ice cream.. and then realisation hits: the house feels empty.

Yet I’ll always remember you as you’d have wanted - strong, in control, and fiercely alive. All the good memories we shared - they’re my anchor. Thank you for everything, Aaji. You meant the world to me.

Love you so much, Aaji. I know you’re up there, watching over us.

- Aditi